Saturday, August 09, 2008

the problem with people

Do you know what the problem with people is? We know everything. Yup, there's nothing we don't know. And what I mean by that is that we're masters of the obvious. Like when I had my suitcase shaped like a guitar -- boom! Everyone automatically assumed I was a musician. Or like when I walk up to someone I know, bleeding badly from cuts on my face, the first thing they always say is, 'Oh, so you mouthed off to the wrong person again and got your ass totally kicked in a street fight.' Or when I walk up to a table of friends with a metal bucket on my head, they immediately jump to the conclusion that I've had too much to drink and decided to put a metal bucket on my head because I thought it would be funny.

Now, just because people are usually right when it comes to me, that doesn't make it any less annoying. Truth be told, I would actually like to be a musician. That's right: I would love to play the guitar. But I wouldn't want it to be a big deal. And how would I transport my guitar from Point A to Point B without everyone assuming/knowing I was a musician? What this world really needs is for someone to invent a guitar shaped like a suitcase. That would level the playing field a bit and keep people on their toes. If there were such a guitar -- and such a case for such a guitar -- I could be a first-rate musician in peace.

Then, if someone saw me carrying my suitcase-shaped guitar in a suitcase, and they said, 'Hey, you're a musician!' I could say, 'Nah. I'm just going to the train station. Yup, I'm heading out to Seattle tonight to visit my Aunt Rosary.'

That's the kind of world I dream about at night.

p.s. That was just a hypothetical I threw out there, Aunt Rosary. I won't be seeing you this year. Maybe next year!


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