Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Ambassador McConaughey

I was thinking today that Matthew McConaughey might be a good friend to have. Most people have those days where they aren't really inspired and things seem kind of blah. Matthew McConaughey never seems to have those kinds of days. Here's kind of how I think a day with Matthew McConaughey might go, if you were his friend and had just told him you were feeling a little down.

McConaughey: You're feeling down? Aw, come on, man! Are you serious? Listen, relax. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to drink a few beers, alright? Then we're going to the ocean to surf for a little while. Everything's going to be cool. Then we're going to take it back to my Gulfstream, we're going to call up a bunch of girls and we're just going to kick it for awhile, see where it goes. And if it doesn't go anywhere, that's alright, too. That's what it all about, man. Just seeing where things lead and going with it. But first we're going to go into this Starbucks and we're going to get us some macchiatos -- on me.

Me (distressed): But Matthew, you're not wearing a shirt. They won't serve you if you're not wearing a shirt!

McConaughey: Listen, relax. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to go inside and we're going to talk to the manager. If he's got a problem, we'll take him surfing with us. And if he wants to come back to the Gulfstream and have a few beers with us and the ladies, that's cool. We'll get the macchiatos, okay? Don't worry. Everything's going to be alright. Now tell me you agree with me and say it like you mean it.

Me: Everything's going to be alright.

McConaughey: Alright.

(Smiling, we enter the Starbucks).

I think it would go a lot like that. And that's why I think Matthew McConaughey should be named Ambassador to whatever country we're having the most problems with at any given moment. The leaders of these countries wouldn't know what hit them. One minute they'd be planning nefarious doings, the next they'd be on a surfboard in the Pacific Ocean next to Matthew McConaughey -- on his surfboard -- saying, 'What did I tell you, brother? Is this alright or is this alright? It could be like this every day, my man. Bombs, weapons, guns, who needs 'em? Now let's catch this last wave and then take it back to my Gulfstream. You with me? You're with me. Alright.'

You know, as strange as this is for me to say, I think I may have a point here.

7 Comments:

Blogger blackcrag said...

Screw Ambassador. Make him President.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Just Dan said...

PRESIDENT McConaughey?

Hm...that does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

4:16 AM  
Blogger Voix said...

Ah, the level of chill that can be achieved while living in a trailer next to the Pacific Ocean. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

But then, you have to live in a trailer.

4:59 AM  
Blogger Just Dan said...

There are tradeoffs with everything, Voix, and some of those new Gulfstreams are pretty darn nice. And if you get tired of the ocean you can head for the hills.

McConaughey's a pretty shrewd gent.

5:14 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

Ha! Intersting....but personally I cannot stand him. Plus Lance Armstrong would always be hanging around.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Just Dan said...

McConaughey can have that effect on people, Missy. Listening to him is kind of like listening to static on the radio. If you listen to it long enough, eventually it starts to make sense.

And that's when things get kind of scary.

3:16 PM  
Blogger AaroN said...

Crag has a point. He'd definitely beat Hillary to get the woman vote.

4:40 AM  

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