a confession

Alright, this rigorous debate about which movie -- Footloose or Flashdance -- would win in a fair fight is wearing me down. I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping. Actually, that's not quite true. I had a nice dinner last night and then slept soundly. Regardless, this matter has to be settled. I feel like there's disharmony loose in the universe and I feel like I'm the cause of all this unrest. So what is wrong must be set right.

A confession: I've never seen 'Flashdance.' Now before you start burning me in effigy, I FEEL as though I've seen it. I've watched bits and pieces on cable over the years and I've seen the famous bucket scene so many times I feel like it was me that got doused. It wasn't, however. It was Jennifer Beals.

Now my friend Blackcrag has been on me for giving Kevin Bacon the edge over Jennifer Beals. I'm not arguing that Ms. Beals isn't/wasn't the more attractive of the two. As a gent who appreciates beauty, she'll get the nod every time. But Kevin Bacon is an American Institution. Without Bacon, this country is hopelessly adrift at sea. We might as well just burn the Constitution and kick the Statue of Liberty in the shins. I don't know what it is, there's just something about Kevin Bacon that makes him the quinessential Americano. And for that reason, and that reason alone, he has an edge over Jennifer Beals.

Where was I? Oh, that's right; I had just confessed to never having seen 'Flashdance.' Being that's so, I probably don't have the right to say one movie is better than another. And as to who would win in a fight between Flashdance and Footloose, that doesn't even really make sense, if you think about it. It's a rather bizarre notion.

Who thinks about things like this?

Another confession: I've also never seen 'The Goonies.' Oh, and I killed Professor Plum in the Study. With the candlestick, if you must know.