Sunday, December 30, 2007

the ticking clock

Well, it's almost behind us. 2007 has just another day or two to find its pants and slink out of town with its weary head hanging low. Better luck next time, sucker(s).

Being that's the case, that must also mean its time for the end of the year parties to begin. I tend not to get invited to many parties, but I go to quite a few of them. And this is strange, because there was a time I couldn't stand parties. I would go to parties, the few parties I had to attend, uneasily, thinking the whole time, 'Yeah, this is really fun, but I can't wait to get home so I can take my pants off.' That was pretty much -- and still kind of is -- the best part of my evening.

At any rate, what I like to do now at parties is stand around pretending to have conversations, and wait for the drinking games to start. I never take part in the drinking games. No, I'm one of those people who just linger until such time as someone has to drink. Then I leap into the fray, rabidly leading the famous chant: "DRINK, MOTHER F-----, DRINK, MOTHER F-----, DRINK, MOTHER F-----, DRINK!!!!"

That is SO much fun. I just love it! I don't even particularly care if the person drinks or not. No, I think I've decided I just like saying, 'Mother F-----.' There's something very liberating about it.

Anyway, keep an eye peeled for me at your Holiday party. And an ear. I'll finish the year (unless I have time to post tomorrow) with a bit of advice: If you're at a party and find yourself being forced to drink with people around you chanting, "DRINK, MOTHER F-----, DRINK, MOTHER F-----, DRINK MOTHER F-----, DRINK," you're surrounded by idiots. Get up from the table and run. It's the only chance you've got.

Happy New Year.

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