Thursday, April 12, 2007

Mr. Don Henley

A lot of the time, I'm a fan of The Eagles. I know they're overplayed, I know musically there were and are many groups who were and are far superior, but I grew up listening to these guys. I think I've been through every stage there is when it comes to The Eagles. 1) They're the greatest band in America! 2) They're the greatest band in The World!! 3) Alright, if I hear Witchy Woman one more time I'm going to punch somebody. 4) Oh, God. Hotel California. Please, God, kill me. 5) Turn station immediately as soon as Glenn Frey or Don Henley's voice is detected. 6) 'I Can't Tell You Why,' Hm...I haven't heard that one in awhile.. 7) Maybe I've been wrong about this band. 8) 'Tequila Sunrise'...A tad schlocky and overdone, but it really isn't too bad a song. Hm.. 9) Buy the Eagles greatest hits for at least the 3rd time in my life. 10) Play disc sparingly, primarily when crossing the Rocky Mountains.

Anyway, and I have no reason why I remember this, back in 1992 when it seemed that change was in the air and Bill Clinton was elected President, there were many inaugural balls. At one of those balls, two of the hottest bands in the world were booked -- U2 and R.E.M. Yep, and as they were two of the hottest bands in the world, they decided to play together and whoever was in charge wanted them to kick things off. Enter Don Henley.

Apparently, Mr. Henley was still under the impression that he/The Eagles was/were still the biggest band in the world. And he huffed and he puffed until he got his way and he kicked the shindig off, I believe with his own song, 'Dirty Laundry.' I kind of wish I had been the manager of either U2 or R.E.M. I would have said, 'Bono, relax. I'll handle this. Go get yourself some green tea, okay?'

Then I would have gone up to Mr. Big Shot, Don Henley, and said, 'Listen, a**face, I don't know if you've checked the calendar recently, but it's 1992. The 70's have been over for awhile. Now I know you're a respected solo artist, as well, and you've put out some critically acclaimed albums all by your lonesome. But the deal is, you're not the top dog anymore, my friend. That title belongs to either of the two bands behind me. As such, you'll play when it's your turn to play, which will NOT be before my guys take the stage. When they're done, THEN you can go out and play your little song about your exploits down at the laundromat. Capish?'

Then I'm pretty sure Don Henley would have beat me to death. He's a mean-looking dude! He looks like the kind of guy who would kick you for bringing him a cup of tea on a cold day -- and then kick you again for neglecting to bring him some crumpets to enjoy with his tea. Maybe he wouldn't have beat me to death. Perhaps he would have just grabbed a handful of royalties and shoved those down my throat. "Do you like the taste of that, you little punk?! That's $73,018 and fourteen cents you're choking on! I make that every five minutes I'm alive! Every five minutes! Do you like the taste of it? Do you?'

ME: Gahkkkskaa!! (translation: 'Please don't kill me, Mr. Henley, please!!').

I'm a big fan of Don Henley's, actually. I think 'Heart of the Matter' is a darn fine tune.


Blogger Lex Ham Rand said...

"...out on the road today, I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac....a little voice inside my head said don't look back, you can never look back...."

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said... are intense, or is that just a 'front'. I hope that the only time you were being sincere was with your last line...that you really like Don Henley's music - Heart of the Matter IS a FINE tune.
BTW, Don is a very decent person. He is kind and a gentleman. But for those who are less than genuine, he is capable of recipricating the rudeness.

11:39 PM  
Blogger Just Dan said...

It's mostly a front, Anony. Stay tuned for today's episode.

And please, whatever you do, don't tell Mr. Henley anything about any of this. It would be unfortunate if life were to imitate art. I like my face the way it is. It ain't much, but it's all I got!


5:20 AM  
Blogger Just Dan said...

It's funny you should mention that, Rand. Quite funny indeed.

5:22 AM  

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