Saturday, February 14, 2009

it's a shame about Abe

First, it's Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day! To you. And/or yours.

Second, Abe Lincoln week is over. I'm calling it. I'm kind of sorry to see it go, but on the other hand I'm ready to say goodbye to it, and him, at least for another year. Abe Lincoln was a great fellow, no question. He was also a little...mystic. He had visions and dreams that seem to have often come true. And he was wily. Wicked wily! Yes, Abe Lincoln definitely scares me a little bit. Thank God he's no longer with us.

Lastly, I'd just like to say that if I did have access to a time machine I would not go back and steal Abe Lincoln's hat. If the opportunity presented itself, I can't say I wouldn't purloin it, but I would not specifically go back just for that. No, I'd do the right thing and stop John Wilkes Booth from firing on old Abe.

I'd set myself up right in front of the Lincolns' balcony. I'd pretend I was reading an old dime novel. Then, once I ID'd the perp, I'd make my move.

"Well, well, who do we have here? If it isn't John Wilkes Booth. Well, hi, John. Whatcha up to tonight? You here to see the play?" I'd ask caustically. Then I'd give him a good one, right to the gut. After he caught his breath, then, and after I disarmed him, I'd drag him into the President's balcony and say, "Mr. President, this man was about to shoot you. Don't worry, I've disarmed him. I guess I just wanted you to know that I saved your life tonight. No need to thank me. Please, just enjoy the play. It's a good one! Now you'll have to excuse me, I've got to get this d-bag downtown, for processing."

Then I'd tip my hat to Mrs. Lincoln and say, 'Ma'am.'

It's important to be respectful, I think. Especially on Valentine's Day!


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