Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Abe Lincoln, comic genius?

I'll preface this post by telling you I don't know if the story I relate within this post is true. I could have fact-checked it, sure. But that would take time. So I say let's just go with it.

Story goes like this: After Union troops swept the Rebels out of some city in Virginia (during the Civil War) Abe Lincoln traveled with them and wandered the streets of said city. If this story is true, this city is where General Pickett lived. Now even though Pickett was a Confederate general, Lincoln allegedly knew him from before the war. So, hat in hand, Lincoln goes to the door and asks after General Pickett. He is told (by whoever allegedly answered the door) that General Pickett is away. They (the person that may or may not have answered the door) then supposedly said, 'Who should I say called?'

Now the easy thing, the obvious thing, for Lincoln to have said (if he said anything at all, if this story is even true) would have been 'Abe F'n Lincoln, that's who.' Ever the good sport, though, Lincoln is said to have said, simply, 'A friend from Illinois.' That's a pretty good comic line. Subtle. Not bad.

But let's break this down for just a second. Whoever answered the door, if there even was a door, how in God's name could they have not known who Abe Lincoln was? And would Abe Lincoln really have been so reckless as to visit a general on the side of the opposition? Someone who almost certainly would have been armed? It doesn't make much sense. Because if Pickett would have been there and if he had had a weapon, you can bet he would have taken old Abe hostage and then the whole Civil War would have turned into just another episode of '24.'

Speaking of which, have I told you my new line? Every time I fail someone, every time someone does something heroic and then someone else asks me, 'Why can't you be more like (that person)?' I calmly reply, 'This isn't '24.' We can't all be Jack Bauer.'

And truer words have never been spoken.


Blogger DaveW said...

Be careful with your lack of fact checking - your post could soon become a story on Fox News.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Citizen said...

That would involve some investigation on their part, Dave. I think we're all safe, Fox and I, just doing what we're doing; throwing stuff out there, and seeing what sticks.

5:31 PM  
Blogger Citizen said...

Dave, I apologize. I see what you were saying now. You were saying my lack of fact-checking (and basic knowledge) more than qualifies my work for broadcast on Fox News. My bad. Sometimes I overthink things's never good.

Quickly, I want to be clear that I mean no malice towards our local Fox affiliate, Channel 9. I loves ya, Jeff, Marni and Robin. Loves!

4:24 AM  

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