Sunday, December 21, 2008

Holiday letter

Holiday Christmas Wishes
From the desk of Henry J. Rifle
Volume 7

Dearest chums,

First, this will likely be my last Holiday letter. It's not a big thing, and don't worry; I still plan on being around. However, my experience has been that you can only jab at a broken window so many times before you slice your hand to ribbons (i.e. sometimes it's best to move on, so you can start breaking new windows).

2-nd, it is with a sober heart and great relief that I note the passing of another year. I think I speak for a vast majority of us when I say 2008 will not be missed. In a nutshell, it's been a vile and nasty concoction we've all been stuck sucking. Of course, the same can be said for every second of the last eight years. If I were Barack Obama, the first thing I'd do is buy a round of mouthwash for everyone in the whole U.S.A. Yes, dear friends, the time at last has come to rinse.

Of course, now that our country has been morally, spiritually, and financially strip-mined, that begs the questions, 'What next?' and 'Where do we go from here?' Good questions. It would be even better if someone had some plausible answers. I think in the short-term, we, as Americans, have to focus on the small things and pray that some of the bigger things take care of themselves.

First, the days are now getting longer. More daylight means more productivity -- and more time to wash our cars. One should never underestimate the increased sense of self-worth one gets from driving a clean automobile. Let's see...oh, there will be new episodes of 'Burn Notice' in January. It's a program on the USA Network. Quality tee-vee show. I highly recommend it. Hm..

There's also the Super Bowl! And with the Super Bowl will come another round of zesty commercials! The great thing about those commercials? If you don't like one, just be patient. There will be another one right afterwards! And, worst-case scenario, even if it's a God-awful commercial, you're still only out 30 seconds of your finite lifespan. Not too shabby!

Um...well, you know, it's easy to be cynical. The bottom line is, this country has been here for two hundred and thirty some years. It's not unreasonable to think it will be here for quite a lot more of them. My advice to you in these uncertain times? Be cool. And by cool, I mean cool, not the jerkwad-esque, 'hey, I'm wearing sunglasses, look at me, I'm cool!' way. I'm talking the real thing, not something you read or saw in a magazine. If everyone does that, why, I expect we'll be just fine.

All the best to you and yours,

Henry J. Rifle


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